Someone said to me the other day that we were lucky having only boys….no worries about them getting pregnant and that males get away with everything.
I was quite shocked. We always were very open about answering our boys’ questions about sex and the need for protection for both parties. From the earliest age we spoke about treating everyone, male, female, different races, beliefs and inclinations, with respect.
It’s not what you say as much as what you do that resonates with children. They see very clearly if your actions do not mirror your words and they quickly pick up on family tensions and resentments. It’s no good preaching tolerance if you don’t practice it as adults. That doesn’t mean you can’t have a disagreement. We are all human and you can still agree to differ and respect another point of view even if it is not yours.
We asked our sons to put themselves in another’s shoes. How would they feel if they were a young girl finding out she was pregnant, terrified of telling her parents and having to make decisions regarding the baby growing inside her body, a baby that was half theirs.
We cuddled and kissed and showed them at every opportunity the joy and laughter that life can bring. We taught them that every freedom carries its own responsibilities, that sex should never be selfish or careless. We warned them that as young males their sex drive would be very strong and controlling it could be difficult, that a sexual partner is not an object to be used but a real person with their own hopes and feelings.
We didn’t just say this once and hoped they would remember, we reinforced this attitude throughout their growing years. And we tried to demonstrate this in our own lives and behaviour, always aware that our children were watching how we dealt with them and others. Now they are adults with their own families it’s good to see them doing the same.
Leading on from last week’s post on our grocery shopping efforts I thought I’d go into a deep dive into how we generally monitor our family finances – by keeping a budget. Just in time of Christmas too 🙂
To give you some context – we’ve practiced keeping track of all the money coming in and all the money going out since Leki and I started seriously thinking about our future together. This has been helpful because talking openly about our finances helped us make clear goals on how we can move forward as a family.
For example, when we started thinking about having a family it would mean moving from 2 x incomes down to one as we prepared to have someone at home full time. This planning took place 18 months before our little Emelina arrived. That might be a topic to discuss later 🙂
So back to our budget – how do we go about it? As I mentioned earlier we track every little bit of spending. The best way to do that is to spend some time tracking how you spend your hard earned money! Attached is a FREE Excel spreadsheet download that we have used for over 10 years (and still use!):
Feel free to use it anyway you like either electronically or print it out and fill it manually as you move through the week. Personally we like the electronic version because it automatically adds up the numbers as you enter them in.
Great! So how does this spreadsheet help you exactly? Try your best to fill it in every day! Every little thing to big purchases… fill it in! We started with committing to daily entries for a week. After we go the hang of it we continued on for a month. Month after month we got to review how we were spending and saving money. For instance, if you start tracking your spending today and continue on for the week then month then a couple of months you can see what you are spending money on. More importantly, you can evaluate your spending habits and determine whether you can save some money by cutting back on some purchases or looking for more cost effective options.
Using the FREE spreadsheet provided you can see how we’ve laid the template out. There’s quite a few columns but focus on the first bit (in red) above which is the description entry and then enter in the amount/figure into either the income column or the expenses column. An easy way to think about it is:
Income = money going INTO your pocket
Expenses = money going OUT of your pocket
So in the example above – making it to payday is money going INTO your pocket so it’s income. Plug that figure into the Income column! In the example below let’s say you’ve filled the car up with petrol so you’d enter that in the description and move across to the Expenses column and enter in the amount. Easy peasy 🙂
**NOTE: There’s little extra bits in the spreadsheet to factor for Tax/GST but ignore this if it doesn’t apply to you. If you do want to factor tax please speak to your appropriate tax professional! Let’s keep things simple.
Now let’s say you’ve been using this spreadsheet for 3 months and you’ve become pretty confident with putting in the figures. Now you can establish your budget! You now can estimate the ‘average’ weekly spending on grocery shopping, or the weekly petrol cost, or how much you can budget for take away because you’ve spent 3 months accumulating your own data! How good is that?
Below is a snapshot of our own template from September 2015. You can see how we’ve filled it the table to give you an idea of how regular our entries were and how they varied across different types of personal expenses.
Sept 2015 budget tracking sheet
Let me give you my Top 3 reasons on how this spreadsheet and keeping a budget helps our family:
1. Help renegotiate lower monthly fees for regular expenses like utility bills (gas, water or electricity), insurances and phone bills
Once you get really good at this you can see how much you spend on regular bills. We usually get billed every 3 months for our utility bills. If we notice that this last 3 months was a higher amount then the previous 3 months – we can figure it out using our spreadsheet. For example if it was the colder months of year then you would expect a higher gas and electricity bill. If you feel that the bills are rising but your use remains the same – it might be time to switch to another provider. That’s what we did with our gas and electricity provider. We said that we’ve tracking our use for the last 12 months and that we were unhappy with the cost. They reviewed our account and offered a BIG discount!
2. Determine where we are spending too much money
The phone bill is one where you can easily overspend. Keeping track of your budget will ensure that you don’t go over your limit 😉 Or maybe you are having too many nights out on the town, eating out too often or spending too much on your pay TV subscription.
Whatever your unique situation is, once you have determined what you’re figures are you can budget accordingly 🙂
3. Fast tracked our savings!
If you keep track of what is coming in and it is greater then what is going out – the leftover is that magic word… SAVINGS! We can all do with a little bit more savings but wishing for it won’t make it so – challenge yourself to create more savings so you can spend on the things that really matter for you and your family!
Sept 2017 budget tracking sheet
Unfortunately if money coming in is less then money going out of your pocket you’ll have to come up with the way to make more income or reduce your expenses. There’s no way around it and it’ll be crystal clear because you are using your own numbers!
This is not something you need to follow strictly. Take whatever you feel was helpful and use it in a way that is meaningful and actionable for you and your family. We are not professionals in this area and we are not giving you advice on what to do although we highly recommend that keeping a budget will give you a sense of freedom because you know exactly where everything is!
I genuinely hope this post was helpful and as always happy to receive feedback on what seems to help you on ways to save.
This week I’d like to share a little bit about “The Dream” Tim and I have for our family.
We both LOVE the ocean and have a common obsession with the sea and surfing. I grew up practically living on the sand, our house was less than 200 meters from the beach and when you grow up in Hawaii, you learn from an early age that, a good beach is all you really need to be happy in this life!
Of course you get older and learn that there’s a price to pay to live in paradise, but when you put your feet back in the sand or in the water, you realize it’s worth it! Ah… and still I’m here in Melbourne, Australia feet planted firmly in the concrete, but we try to make our way out to the beach in Torquay and Philip Island as often as possible. We also plan a trip every year, somewhere warm, that has waves, where we can surf. Our favourites: Bali, Hawaii, Samoa and Kingscliff, NSW.
When I met Tim in 2009 our first date was a surf-date. We drove an hour and half to surf at a spot called Malibu. Yes. Malibu, Japan. Over that first year of dating we made several long drives to the beach at Ichinomiya, spent time camping on my days off and he assisted in the purchase of my first ever wetsuit! We overcame many obstacles, like trying to have a conversation in the water and barely understanding his Aussie accent to learning how to set up a campsite as a team, to him learning (offering) that I get first pick of all the waves coming through. He’s so sweet and we fell in love on the sea.
One day in February of 2011 we were at home in Hawaii surfing at a break called Freddie’s. We had the whole break to ourselves with no one else in the water and it was the set-up for one of the most perfect moments of my life. The sun was setting, the water was warm, the light reflecting off it’s surface was also shining with love in his eyes as Tim said to me, “You know I love you right?”
“Yes I know. I love you too” in my head I like to add “you weirdo.” Because he had tried several times to swim over to me and had this funny look on his face! I realized later he was nervous.
Then he asked me, “Will you marry me?”
I looked at him and said “No,” his face looked confused, “OF COURSE I’ll marry you!”
When we got to the sand he asked me to wait while he ran up to the car. He came back and slipped the most beautiful ring onto my finger. The moon was shining, our hearts were exploding and a few months later as the sun set, standing on the sea in Maili, we sealed the deal and vowed to spend the rest of our lives together. It was perfect!
When Nainoa was born I had to wait 6 weeks before I could get back in the water. My 26th birthday was right around the corner and I told him I wanted a rocking chair. He got me a brand new surf board instead!
We spent the first 6 months of Nainoa’s life at the beach, taking turns in the water and on the sand with our boy. There was one week I remember my Mom came home from work and babysat every day so I could get in the water for an afternoon session at Goat Island.
I was really sad when we moved to Melbourne and Nainoa was 8 months old. We caught the end of Spring on the beach in Torquay and the water was so cold! It took a while for me to accept where I was in life, I spent the first winter in Melbourne away from the beach and managed to escape back to Hawaii for a few weeks.
Somehow, Tim convinced me to get a 4/3 wetsuit and that got me into freezing Victorian waters and along the way we picked up wetsuits for our boys too so that they will be warm playing on the sand and the edge of the water. It seems like just yesterday Nainoa was a tiny infant and now he’s in the water learning to catch his own waves!
When Nainoa was four we had our first surf together at Malaekahana in Laie. We rode on my dad’s giant longboard, paddled into a few waves, I stood up then would crouch down and pick him up too, it was the best. Since then Tim and I have been pushing Nainoa into little waves trying to get him to stand up on his own. It’s so amazing to see his relationship with the ocean and surfing growing without our past bribes! Now we just reward him with praise and the occasional slushy! Last weekend I saw him paddle into, and stand up, on his first wave ever! It was incredible! We had a conversation in the water afterwards and I explained to him about my dreams. I said I knew that someday I would have my own kids and I wanted to teach them to surf. I told him, “Today you made my dream come true.”
Nainoa recently described his surf experience this way saying “Hey Mom, I was made for this!” I always dreamed of having my own family, teaching my kids to surf, and seeing them develop a love and appreciation for the ocean.
I’m so happy I get the chance to share a life-long passion with my husband and kids. It is wide-spread belief that “The family that plays together, stays together”. But in Victoria, when you’re at the beach… the family with the wetsuits gets to play longer!
Today I thought I’d prepare and share a guide on how we ‘hack’ our food preparation for the day, week and month. Earlier I shared a little insight into how we prepare for the typical day but I thought I’d dive a little deeper. My goal at the end of this post is to give you clarity on how you can find quality food and not break the bank PLUS do your boring grocery shopping on auto-pilot! Enjoy!
First off we sit down and plan usually on a Sunday when we’ll go and do the weekly grocery shopping (Aldi), then we plan the fortnightly visit to specialty stores (Woolworths/Terra Madre/Foodworks) and lastly the monthly visit for bulk shopping items (Costco).
WEEKLY
We are big fans of Aldi!
Early on we were big time Coles shoppers mainly because of the FlyBuy benefits and we would buy fuel at a discounted rate at participating Shell petrol stations but then we found them to be really expensive over time.
We compared a weeks worth of food supplies between the major chains: Coles vs Woolworths vs Aldi and there was almost a 30% savings on the total cost when we shopped at Aldi. That’s a massive savings!
Early on we felt a bit suspect because there are brands there we were unfamiliar with but after a while we became very comfortable with their range. The only downside is that they only seem to stock a certain amount of products for that day – so once something runs out – you guessed it… it’s not going to be replenished until the next day. **Handy tip! Try and shop during non-peak hours 🙂
Below is a little snapshot of what our weekly grocery shopping from Aldi may look like. On average we may spend between $80-$120 per week and the products are mostly fresh perishable produce that need constant weekly replenishment. These items are mostly: fruits, meats and vegetables.
Weekly groceries from Aldi – mostly fresh food!
Average weekly Aldi $80-$120 per week
FORTNIGHTLY
A couple of times a month we may need some things that are not really fresh or perishable so we go to the local convenience store – Woolworths. We quite like them because they stock a brand of butter which we absolutely love 🙂 Highly recommend Kerrygold Butter as the ingredients are 100% pure milk from grass fed cows from the fields of Ireland 🙂 Organic Times (AUS) and Westgold (NZ) come in a close 2nd and 3rd purely due to taste.
We get other little things that may not be available at Aldi but at the same time may not be available in bulk from Costco. These things include: toiletries, some kitchen wares like sponges, bin liners and surface sprays.
We don’t really focus on petrol and complimentary grocery shopping benefits because we find it simply doesn’t add up to much benefit. The Everyday Rewards card doesn’t really convert to great savings (much like FlyBuys) for us anymore.
What we have observed from our local Worthworths store is the the staff are really friendly and there is always a basket of free fruit for children to have at no cost! Can’t complain with that 🙂
We tend to budget about $50 a fortnight on these purchases from Woolworths.
On the alternate fortnight we tend to buy some ‘luxury’ items which can be a bit of a struggle to source but we recommend these two stores – Terra Madre and/or Foodworks.
Terra Madre (Northcote VIC) is a Natural Food store that house many products we enjoy such as gluten-free bread, organic produce including meats, grains, supplements, cleaning products and lots of healthy treats!
Given that we live an hour away we tend to organise which day of the month that we’ll call by to shop for some supplies. An example of something we buy is MCT oil (medium chain triglyceride) which is a great source of healthy fats. Leki loves having it with his coffee and I am avoiding it while I’m pregnant as they say – too much of a good thing can’t be good for you!
An alternative to visiting Terra Madre is dropping into your local Foodworks Supermarket. They have an awesome health food section which stock a lot of great products if you find yourself a tad too far from a natural food store like Terra Madre.
We tend to budget about $50 a fortnight on these purchases from natural food stores.
MONTHLY
The most costly purchase occurs monthly at Costco. Leki has a business account with them which costs $55/annually (which is available with anyone with an Australian Business Number) or you can get a standard ‘Gold Star’ membership for $60/annually.
So is the yearly membership worth it? For us – ABSOLUTELY! If we noticed that we made a lot of repeat purchases from the local convenience store we then did our sums and if it made sense to buy it in bulk once a month rather then weekly from the local store then that’s what we did!
Examples of things we buy in bulk: diapers, wipers, hand wash, toilet paper, laundry powder, toothpaste, eggs, coffee, some spreads (almond butter, honey etc.), coconut oil 🙂 and plenty more!
**Handy hint – there are a lot of brand name items which you can source pretty cheaply. Leki usually buys his work clothes from here and there are great options on electronic items like computers, TVs and kitchen appliances like blenders which are great value!
We budget somewhere from $150-$300 per month on Costco spending.
So let’s summarise. Leki and I usually keep a track on how our food supplies are going and we make sure we plan a time during the week to get down to Aldi for our weekly grocery shopping. Every 2 weeks we try and alternate by dropping into Woolworths and a natural food store (we recommend Terra Madre or Foodworks) and then once a month we call into Costco for bulk purchases.
With just a bit of forward planning and a careful eye on your ‘inventory’ you almost do it in auto-pilot after a while as you’re shopping for the same things each time you visit 🙂 Leki and I can be in and out of Aldi in 10-15min. We’ve timed it!
So… here’s the breakdown of our weekly budget below:
Some weeks are more or less then others but we tend hover around this mark. Now we believe this will be a sustainable budget for a growing family (soon to be 4 in Jan 2018). We could cut back on the ‘luxury items’ but we choose to spend a little more on quality food we cook/eat. We typically eat out 1-2 per week and we don’t have too many costly vices like alcohol or smoking but we both have a weakness for chocolate and coffee 😉
What do you think? I hope that’s made it a bit easier for you and I hope $205 per week on ALL shopping expenses can save you some $$$ like it does for us!
If it’s helpful I can share some meal plans I ‘pre-prepare‘ during the week from the above grocery shopping (nothing fancy!) and I’ll dive a little deeper into the general budget we keep which helps us track things carefully so we don’t overspend!
I’m not a stickler for regular exercise. Apart from the daily effort running the house and walking to the local events and shops… I tend to drag my feet to be perfectly honest.
Different story when I’m pregnant though.
I’m now in my 3rd trimester as our tentative due date is January 2018 – so basically I’m big and heavy now 🙂 I’m dealing with swollen ankles, a heavy thick belly and waddling like a duck. Fortunately I’m going pretty well tiredness and sickness wise (fingers crossed) although I do make sure I maintain a varied and healthy diet and I keep an optimistic happy mindset so I don’t get too bogged down with unnecessary stress.
My view on this is if I’m already going to be in discomfort with the carrying process why put myself in more distress by not being in some form of reasonable conditioning?
So what’s the result? Yep – Exercise.
Below I’m going to outline what seems to work for me and please remember I AM NOT A PROFESSIONAL OR GIVING YOU ADVICE. I’m simply sharing little things that help me and hopefully assists you too 😉 Mileage may vary person to person!
Below are the Top 3 exercises:
I use a resisted band which can vary in tension. I’ve managed to work my way up to the darker colours (resistance varies with colour) but I started on the yellow one in the early days. You can easily purchase one on Ebay or a similar site/retail store.
**Note: The reason I perform these exercises is because they’re easy to apply at home. I’m usually wearing something comfortable and I don’t need any weights or fancy equipment. About 10-15 minutes of effort and I’m done. On average I try and perform these movements 3-4 times per week and alternate between each of these exercises below throughout the week. Enjoy!
1. Resisted clams
I really enjoy this exercise because I feel the ‘burn’ in the buns 🙂 and I’m lying in a comfortable position on my side. The goal is the strengthen my backside/gluteals. If you think about it – we all have big bums. They are big for a reason – they do a lot of work for us. Walking, running, going up/down stairs, sit to stand, squatting and so on.
Putting a resistance band/theraband between my knees gives me some push back when I ‘open the clam’ and ‘close the clam’.
How many do I perform? Usually 3 sets of 10 reps. Takes 10 mins and I’m done.
2. Resisted sit to stand squat
I’m really big on strengthening my backside as you can tell. My thoughts are if they are strong there will be less pressure on other areas like my lower back. (Believe me, the lower back is already under pressure with carrying this baby LOL)
In terms of set up – I make sure I’m backed up on to a chair or bench and my feet are slightly wider then shoulder width apart. I keep the theraband between my knees because as I lower into the squat the band will pull my knee ‘inward’ and I’m pushing ‘outward’ against the band. This will really make my bum work hard and reduce the chance of overload and pressure into my knees.
The net result? A stronger backside and a supported lower back 🙂
How many do I perform? Again, usually 3 sets of 10 reps and it takes 10 mins and I’m done.
3. Walking
Pretty straight forward. As mentioned earlier I do enjoy being walking distance to local town events and food spots. The centre of my local town is about an 11min walk/800m. When I get to the other side I usually have a nice rest – it may be Playgroup or Mainly Music for Eme at a local church or maybe a quick shop for food supplies plus drop into the Op Shop for a cheeky browse 😉
On average I walk 2-3 times per week averaging 30-60 mins each time with a pram and shopping in tow. This may get more challenging now as I get heavier but I’ll try and maintain a regular walking program.
If it’s wet or not ideal to be outside I alternate between my resisted clams or resisted sit to stand regime outlined above to keep me in good condition.
I like to think I’m pretty open minded so if you have a little exercise regime you enjoy I’d love to hear it! I’m really enjoying carrying this little boy but I’ll enjoy working hard afterwards to get rid of the baby fat baggage 🙂 More on that next time.
I am one of those people who finds it difficult to say NO.
Whether it’s big or small. A social event. A formal meeting. A casual catch up. Asked to do a favour. Something came up last minute can you help? Oh you’re at home you’re not too busy can you...
I don’t want conflict. I don’t want to disappoint anyone. I don’t want to offend or embarrass anyone. I usually smile uncomfortably and say YES to everything.
To my detriment it had created a ‘busy’ schedule.
Clearing the schedule for Eme’s 1st day at ‘school’
You know what a ‘busy’ schedule looks like: Oh today I need to run over here and do that… then after that I have lunch with that person then I’ll have some time to help out with that then get everything sorted out for dinner tonight…
Then with this ‘busy’ schedule something of real value or importance would suddenly come up and I had no time available because I had already said YES to too many different things. I was too ‘busy’.I hated that feeling.
It can easily apply to your situation in the workplace, at home, with friends, with family or with your partner as after a while I realised that being ‘busy’ doesn’t necessarily mean I’m achieving anything worthwhile or feeling fulfilled.
So what’s the solution? I simply said NO!
Making memories – 4 generations together!
I worked hard on building the confidence to say NO but I knew that I had to fight fiercely to protect my precious time. I would politely decline offers to a social catch up, painfully say NO to a formal event (who doesn’t love dressing up!), strategically offer alternative dates for lunch or just say NO without offering an explanation. Let me tell you this was not an overnight sensation. It took time and a lot of positive self talk to push forward.
So what was the net result? Time.
I now had the time to do the things that give me joy and fulfillment. If someone needed an emergency babysitter I am only too happy to help because I hadn’t overbooked myself said YES to other things. If I want to read, sit outside and get my daily dose of vitamin D, lounge with Eme or head out shopping – I have created the time to do it! How? By being selfish with my time.
I came across this quote by Derek Sivers – “Hell YES! Or No”
What’s the translation? Something should really excite you that an automatic response of HELL YEAH when you’re asked the question. If it doesn’t excite you enough then a simple reply is needed… No thank you. Seems harsh doesn’t it but as I think about it not everything will be an automatic ‘HELL YES’ response! Most things will be barely a yes rather then the enthusiastic ‘HECK YES’ that I am looking for.
So, again, what is the net result? TIME!
Spending time with Emelina enjoying play school
Now this is not a hard and fast rule. You can pick and choose how you spend your time but if you are guilty of being ‘too busy’ maybe it would be helpful to take a breath and pause to think about what you are achieving by ‘being busy’?
Maybe you are missing out on things but you’re ‘too busy’ to see what is going on around you. Last week I wrote about spending time with loved ones – are you ‘too busy’ to create time to spend with the important people around you? Are you stuck saying YES too often like I was and need to challenge yourself with Derek’s mantra of HECK YEAH! or no thanks.
More time = Less stress 🙂
I have had to work on myself to be MORE SELFISH. It sounds backward but the result is MORE TIME. With more time I can choose to spend it as I see fit and if something important comes up I can spend my time doing whatever needs to be done.
Do you feel overwhelmed and ‘too busy’. Do you find yourself saying – sorry I’m really busy that day? Are you missing out?
Fight for your time. Be selfish and have the courage to say NO!
We have taken this opportunity to stay outdoors if possible like playing with our dog, a bit of fun with the soccer ball, skate boarding (pushing our lil one) and of course gardening.
With our busy lifestyle, we don’t really go away on the weekends. We only do that when I have a race where the race is further than an hour drive. If this is the case we usually organise a stay for 1-2 nights which is our ‘mini holiday’. So, it’s a win-win for us!
Finishing the swim leg and transitioning into the bike then run!
When would be our next mini holiday? My race season starts in November which is either in Altona or in Elwood and so no mini holiday. My race buddy and I had signed up a race down in Safety Beach in December. We literally just booked 1-night accommodation near the race site. We would get there early for lunch and explore the area before checking in. The day before race day we try and chill out as we need to conserve our energy. At night, we head to a local restaurant or pub and my friend and I will carbo load (more on that next time) which helps with energy and our race performance the next day.
If we are staying in a self-contained place, I would pack pasta and bolognese sauce there to heat up as our dinner. In the morning, my friend and I will get ready for the race and my partner and our boy will get there later as the race doesn’t start for another 1-2 hours. They are my number one support crew.
After the race, we would have a nice brunch and get ready to head home. This is my race weekend completed then we get ready for Monday and the standard working week.
The next triathlon will be in Portalington and Mount Martha in March 2018. That would be our last two races for the season and the last of our ‘mini holidays’.
It does sound like everything we do revolves around my triathlon schedule. Our perspective is that if there’s no real purpose around travelling then we are not interested to travel. We think it is so expensive holidaying locally or interstate. We would rather save money for our yearly oversea holiday.
Chinese New Year in KL, Malaysia
We did have one extended holiday earlier this year visiting Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia (back to my hometown) for Chinese New Year for few days and 14-days in Japan (my 40th Birthday present) and back to Kuala Lumpur for another 7-days!
It takes at least 6-9 months to plan especially booking for flights. I would do some research for flights cost first and have an idea how much we would need to budget and book 1-2 months later.
As for accommodation, it’s better to do some research online and book sooner too as we found it gets expensive closer to date or it may be fully booked. I’ve found it better to book accommodation where you can cancel without penalty. This is helpful as I sometimes find better deals after doing more research online.
I like TripAdvisor compared to Booking.com as a general guide for things to do and accommodation . My partner and I also like to exercise while we are away. So, we make sure the hotels we are staying either has a gym or gym near the hotels. We found that hotels with a gym is either expensive and or is not really a gym that meets our needs. So, we would tend to go for a run every second day instead.
For example when we were in Japan, the accommodation we were staying in had no fitness facility available and the local gym was expensive as casual fees were crazy at around US$50 per person. So, we would make do and go for a run and take photos in between our “sight-seeing slash running effort” to maximise our time. Our lil one was with my family when we were out exercising.
So when would be our next overseas trip be? We don’t think there is one for a little while as we recently bought a house (HOORAY!) and we’ll need some renovations!
Disneyland, Tokyo Japan
We are planning a trip to Japan in April 2018 with another couple which may involve a cruise trip from China to Japan and back. But it’s early days yet. Who knows?
As I’m writing this post I’m feeling overwhelmed and slightly stressed after reviewing this recent blog post by Tim Urban.
A short summary of his great article is about the Shortness of Life.
He does a great job in measuring a lifespan in days, weeks, months, years and decades – all in visual form. This is helpful for me as I’m a very visual person. If I try and learn something new by listening to audio, reading from a textbook or watching a video it’s not as helpful for me as information explained in an informative graphic picture. Below is a picture grab from Tim’s blog about going though winter. I’m 31yo and I like to think I’ll live until I’m 90yo then that means I’m over a 1/3 way through my life.
Only 60 more winters…
Let’s switch it up and look closely at the Relationship part of Tim’s blog post. He states that once you finish high school you have used up 93% of face time with your parents.
What does that mean? By the time you are 18yo most of your face-to-face contact with your parents will have been completed. If you think about your own situation – you may move out with friends after high school, start work/study, get into a serious relationship, get married, have kids… so on. It’s true! Most of your face time with your parents is spent by the end of high school.
My parents Gary and Sesilia
So both my parents are in their 60s and I’m in my 30s. I’m incredibly lucky to have both parents and I’m also optimistic that they’ll be around forever 🙂 My own situation is that I was at home until I moved out when I was 22yo. So, if I see my parents every fortnight for 6 hours on a weekend that would be on average of 24 days in a year totaling 144 hours annually. If I stretch that over the next 30 years that means I have only 720 days left with my parents or 4,320 hours with them!
Tim’s summary was perfect: “When you look at that reality, you realize that despite not being at the end of your life, you may very well be nearing the end of your time with some of the most important people in your life.”
I have already used up over 90% of my face-to-face parent time. I’m now enjoying the last 10% of that time.
The same goes for my three sisters. After living in a house with them for 6, 13 and 15 years respectively I now live quite a distance from them and spend maybe 30 days with each of them a year. That probably leaves us about 20% of our hangout time left.
This information has left me reflecting on the choices I’ve made and helped me monitor my own beliefs and behaviour.
My daughter Emelina is 2.5yo and the little bub I’m carrying is due in January 2018. By the time they are 18yo I’ll be around 48yo and judging by the data above I would have already spent over 90% of my in-person parent time together. Makes me sad… but strengthens my resolve to be present everyday with Eme and Leki plus all the loved ones around me.
**TIP – After reading this blog post over a year ago – Leki and I made the commitment to stop anything we’re doing and give Eme full attention when she wants to play or if she’s nagging us for something or asking repetitive questions. There will be a time when she’ll stop singing and dancing ‘Let It Go’ from Frozen. Then we’ll wish she was singing and dancing rather then looking at boys 🙂
So in summary I would like to re-enforce the main points from Tim Urban’s takeaway message:
Living in the same place as the people you love matters. I have more time with my loved ones as I live in the same city and state. I can only imagine the struggle if I lived interstate or overseas!
Priorities matter. My remaining face time with loved ones depends largely on my list of priorities. Make time with people a priority!
Quality time matters. If you’re in your last 10% of time with someone you love, keep that fact in the front of your mind when you’re with them and treat that time as what it actually is – Precious.
Belinda note: Today’s post is from Mrs. Jane and please remember that she is our energetic 73yo grandmother. I value her perspective greatly as she’s not only raised her children but now observing her children raise their own children (her grandchildren).
This is really interesting to me because I love learning from her vast experiences and I hope you get some value and enjoyment from it too 🙂
Enjoy!
People have asked my thoughts on how our children are bringing up their children.
What a minefield!
I can remember the worry we experienced when our children were young as to whom we would give the responsibility of caring and raising our children if we were no longer alive. Should it be our parents? Not practical as one couple lived interstate and were constantly travelling as well as being reluctant to accept the responsibility. The other couple were elderly and had medical problems.
What about our siblings? One brother was divorced and working overseas and our children barely knew him. The other brother was married to a screaming alcoholic who terrified our boys.
On the other side was a sister who ran her family like a drill sergeant and another sister who took offence at the slightest thing and one day would, the next day wouldn’t and made it very clear it would be a huge imposition. Where were the normal family members when you needed them?
We had to accept that no one will ever bring your children up exactly as you do. We fortunately had close friends, adored by our children, who were willing but it caused all sorts of angst within our families when it became known that “we preferred strangers to our own flesh and blood”. Fortunately the need never arose.
As to our thoughts on our children’s child raising abilities….my husband frequently remarked as we drove away that his tongue was sore from biting it. Our daughters-in-law are loving and caring but far less concerned with bedtimes (10pm Really?), involvement in chores and expectations of tidiness (no, the floor is not where you hang your clothes).
We quickly adopted the practice of only offering advice when asked and then never referring to it again if it wasn’t taken. We both clearly remembered how annoyed we were when our mothers regularly criticised our actions and attitudes.
The end result….our grandchildren have grown into delightful, interesting persons and we love spending time with them. We have a close relationship with our children who were fully aware and appreciative of the tongue-biting and the restraint we exercised when we were longing to tell them how to do it better.
As my granny used to sat “There’s more than one way to skin a cat ” and obviously there’s more than one way of bringing up children.
And if you don’t recognise that saying it dates back to the 1600s. However the Animal Rights Action Site informs me it is more politically correct these days to say “There’s more than one way to cook an egg”. It just doesn’t have the same ring somehow.
Before I dive into today’s post I would like to thank everyone who entered the Free Giveaway for launching my little blog over the last 30 days.
The winner was picked at random today check out on my Instagram on how I picked the winner congratulations to Alana D.! I hope you find the Toddlers Starter Kit helpful with your busy Mama life 🙂
Hi guys,
Today I thought it would be interesting to share about how I met my husband and how we mark the occasion yearly!
Well… in short we met on the internet.
[Did you have one of these Nokia phones?]
In the mid-late 90s when I was in middle high school – Nokia phones were all the rage with the snake game, dial up modems would buzz and choke for 2 minutes before you were connected to slow Internet and immediately cut off if someone picked up the phone :), a direct phone line into your own room was the dream scenario and social websites were in the very early days. Things changed from MSN chat, ICQ, MIRC, Friendster, Bebo, Myspace and ultimately Facebook is how we all stay connected.
This was a time where instant messaging was still brand new so Leki and I would have to talk to each other to organise a time to meet.
Do you remember growing up when you wanted to meet with your friends to watch a movie during school holidays – you’d have to either meet your friend’s parents to gain their trust and permission? Or after watching the latest episode of Friends you couldn’t wait to get to school the next day to chat and gossip with your girlfriends. My point is, things weren’t instantly accessible like Facebook Live or video calling or texting to share information. I empathise with the young people of today. I think instant information doesn’t necessarily make things easier – if used incorrectly it can make things worse… but I don’t want to get off track!
So in short, Leki and I somehow managed to ‘find’ each other on Bebo and we talked online for a couple of weeks before he finally asked me out on a date.
[Leki and I on a date circa. 2007]
Our first informal date was 20th September 2007 which was more of a good old hang out. Leki was finishing his final year of studies at University and I was working full time and we were both 22 years old. Wow has time flown so quickly! The following week Leki formally asked me out after dinner and a movie in the city – it was 27th September 2007.
It is this date we celebrate every year.
Today, in fact, is our Anniversary that we celebrate. Our 10th Anniversary!
[I always wanted to be the Lady in Red ;)]
We had planned to spend our first date night away from Emelina with some fine dining, watching a Michael Jackson tribute concert and some alone time together.
Never would I have envisioned my life at this point through the lens of that 22 year old ten years ago and I am truly grateful for all the experiences we’ve shared and continue to share into the next 10 years and beyond.
[10th Anniversary in the City]
So what does the next 10 years hold? Who knows. There’ll be heartaches and pain, growth and success, wins with losses, Emelina will be 12yo and in early high school, our little bub will be almost 10yo, friends may move away, family will return home but this I will know….
We will be celebrating our 20th Anniversary 🙂
Thank you for witnessing my little story about our yearly celebration. How do you celebrate your important dates? Have you got a special way that you remember your memorable milestones?
![Capture [2]](https://i1.wp.com/mywifelife.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/Capture-2-1.jpg?resize=500%2C233&ssl=1)
at participating Shell petrol stations but then we found them to be really expensive over time.
because they stock a brand of butter which we absolutely love 🙂 Highly recommend 
An alternative to visiting Terra Madre is dropping into your local Foodworks Supermarket. They have an awesome health food section which stock a lot of great products if you find yourself a tad too far from a natural food store like Terra Madre.
them which costs $55/annually (which is available with anyone with an Australian Business Number) or you can get a standard ‘Gold Star’ membership for $60/annually.
Examples of things we buy in bulk: diapers, wipers, hand wash, toilet paper, laundry powder, toothpaste, eggs, coffee, some spreads (almond butter, honey etc.), coconut oil 🙂 and plenty more!
[10th Anniversary in the City]